How to be a fat bastard
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But I'm just a scraggy runt, how can I become one of the fat minority?

All it takes is a bit of nous, plenty of grease and sod all excercise, read on wannabe lardies, and I will fill you in on the best fat foods


Ginsters Sausage Roll

Ginsters Sausage Roll (available nationwide)
The king amongst sausage roll inferiors, beautifully crafted sausage meat in a pastry jacket. Top nosh, just don't buy on the motorways (unless you want to remorgage your house).
Cost 85p - £1.50 (8/10)
Rowes' Cornish Pasty

Rowes Pasty (available in West Cornwall, ENGLAND)
Oh my god, perhaps the finest produced pasty in Britain, well made with just the right amount of grease to vegetables.
Cost £1.50 (9/10)

Battered Sausage

Battered Sausage (local chippy)
"what can we do to make the humble sausage more unhealthy?" "I know lets cover it it batter and then deep fry it", Bloody nice, I can feel my arteries hardening as we speak.
Cost 40p - £1.20 (7/10)
Doner Kebab

Doner Kebab (nationwide)
Meat and grease cooked beside a gas burner while you wait, great stuff, just be careful you don't get a collar in your pitta bread.
Cost £1.50 - £4.50 (9/10)


Pizza

Pizza (nationwide)
5 million Pavarottis cant be wrong, just avoid the vegetable toppings, and if you know your local pizza shop owner well enough, ask if he will deep fry it for you to add those all important calories.
Cost £2.00 - £9.00 (6/10)
Curry

Curry (nationwide)
Take my advice, go for a creamy sauce adds an extra layer of fat and goes towards the all new you.
Cost £4.00 - £12.00 (8/10)

Pie and Chips

Pie and Chips (nationwide)
the fat mans weakness, not only do you get a deep fried food you also get the added advantage of pastry and red meat...sob, sob, sob, how can my life be THIS good
Cost £3.50 - £7.00 (10/10)